It is with hearty heave, not heavy heart, that I now give Facebook the old heave-ho'.

Seriously, though: take two days off and see if you aren't simply aghast at the sheer number of "Keep calm and fellate alpacas" and "What happened next will rip out your heart and make you eat it" and "Whose distended anus are you?" memes you willingly suffered. What are your friends doing? I dunno, FUCKING CALL THEM. I'd call mine, but I don't have any. I'm an asshole, and I'm ok with that.